sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
