i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
