Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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