I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
