she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
