these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
