tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
