Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize