you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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