Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
