How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Damn victory sex feels great
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
