A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
