you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize