I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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