I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
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