I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize