Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
