I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
