Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
