so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
