So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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