My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
