Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
