Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
