hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
