the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
