Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
