He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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