I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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