my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
