You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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