genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
