He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
