There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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