Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
