4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
