carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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