i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
