hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
