Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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