I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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