Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
