We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
