I'm going to jail i love you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
