Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
