Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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