Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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