You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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