Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
