And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
