Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
