Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
