If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
