So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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