Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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