Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everclear isn't food dammit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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