You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
kristin has been a bad kristin
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
