I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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