is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
