bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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