Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
