i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
