At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
