found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
