It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
