ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
