Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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